January Dance

::"Without God's Word as a lens, the world warps."

I had written this journal entry about five months ago, on a day a few weeks after I had sprained both my neck and right leg in the summer. It's a rant, really, and was meant only for sorting through my thoughts and my own purpose, not intending to post it anywhere. But this past week in our women's Bible study at church, this excerpt from a book that was so meaningful to me was brought up by someone, and I feel God asking me to share, in hopes that it may be an encouragement to you.
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08-27-12

I look across the room, still groggy, at Stephanie's bed. She's gone on a sleepover, and David is there taking her place..he's just waking up too. He rubs his eyes, cuts that toothless smile at me and it's a whole new day, just beginning.

I swing open the refrigerator door, but know full well already that there's nothing inside for my breakfast. Why can't I be a normal person with a normal intestine so I can eat normal food?

Getting ready..missing clothes. I already asked her about this once, and now why are my clothes with her things? Jokes and laughing. It was just a question, you don't have to make fun of me for it.

No food at lunch. I steal a bite of the kids' Raviolli from the pot and go sit down. Nothing I can eat. The boy is still hungry, looking for more, but it's gone. No, I didn't eat it all, I only had some because there's nothing here that I can have, so why blame me?? I rip apart an orange and squirt myself in the eye and do the dishes starving.

I limp because my foot hurts worse and it's supposed to be almost better. Right, left, I set my foot down - sharp pain up my leg. I'm tired of not being able to walk down stairs, get my own pen when it falls, do my own chores for goodness sake. My neck is stiff and my foot won't get better and I'm grumpy.

Her arms go around me and she hugs me tight, even while I'm grouchy all day long from everything crazy and upside down. I won't tell her all the silly reasons why my day is crumby even though moms love us even on our pointless bad days.

I fall on my back onto my bed and open a book and begin reading for dear life. The air conditioning is broken upstairs and I'm hot on the inside, too. Black and white words on paper - I'm only scanning, trying to be thankful and happy again. I'm stopped cold by those stop-you-in-your-tracks words of perspective that you dread for fear of being corrected. I stare at the page:

"Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? That Satan's way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus' way? Why else get angry?" *

I blink hard. I keep reading..

"How did Jesus do it again? He turned His eyes. 'And looking up to heaven, He gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave...'(Matt 14:19). He looked up to heaven, to see where this moment comes from. Always first the eyes, the focus. I can't leave crowds for mountaintop, daily blur for Walden Pond - but there's always the possibility of the singular vision. I remember: Contemplative simplicity isn't a matter of circumstances; it's a matter of focus."

Deep breath. Focus. All those moments, each flare that builds up into my day that I call annoyances, frustrations, road-blocks - are they really....opportunities? Opportunities to put on my 'spiritual lenses' and see God in the moment? To give thanks even for the hard, for what I see as bad, because He has a plan even in that? Because my human-sight is so backwards and warped from what He sees. It's possible.

I slump into the realization that He's caught me red-handed.

And I want to fight, I want to be angry, I want my way. People frustrate and I get upset at foolish things - and just leave me be. I feel His eyes down on me, but it is not a glare of punishment, but of forgiveness, of pity. Of love. I want to flail, but I cannot push away.

The focus. I read again, "Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love?....Contemplative simplicity isn't a matter of circumstances; it's a matter of focus."

I have to stop; I give up my tantrum and He holds me still. “See that I am God. See that I am in everything. See that I do everything. See that I have never stopped ordering my works, nor ever shall, eternally. See that I lead everything on to the conclusion I ordained for it before time began, by the same power, wisdom and love with which I made it. How can anything be amiss?” (Norwich)

Heavy sigh of lifted burden. Because once again I've forgotten, fallen, failed. And once again He's paused, forgiven, loved, reminded. He draws me back to focus. I'm humbled by my petty selfishness, and overwhelmed by His grace. 

I pray and ask Him to be my lenses. With Him as my focus, I can conquer with love. Oh, for His guidance to see as He sees.

"Be Thou My Vision."

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*Anne Voskamp, 1000 Gifts

Of winter

I'm not a huge fan of cold weather if I don't have enough to bundle up in. However, I am [blessed] with more than enough to keep me warm, and most of the time need to quit my whining and enjoy the absolute beauty of winter!
There's something so sharply glorious in a sunset or sunrise on an extra cold day...of course they are beautiful in the warm too, but it seems to cut through the chill, in a hushed, almost mystified splendor in the winter. No leaves wrapping the trees, the glow just breaks in and around everything, and you can feel it.
And not just in the sky, but surrounding. I guess I kind of think of summer as...soft, maybe. It's the gushy heat that makes everything round edged and lulled. The winter, it smacks you in the face and makes the solid..more solid. It freezes, it hardens.
It's freezing today, literally. And although I'm definitely more of a nice and cozy, chocolate and tea kind of preference more of the time, it's simply too thrilling to miss out on. Bundle up in your scarf and mittens and hat and boots and enjoy the splendor of this biting cold day, the unique chill of winter! Don't miss it.

Of recentness

Just some pictures of recent-Riefer happenings. . . .

Flowers in the windowsill, in darling little bottles. Mother's doing.

 Sniefer/Ohian skype!

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 While Dad was away on a short business trip this past week, we decided it was a good time for a movie night: homemade French Fries, Ramona and Beezus, and a sleepover in the living room.

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Steph and David had their first basketball games this past Saturday! They both had a blast and can't wait for the next chance to play. Having several chuzins on the teams, plus Aunt Rachel and Dad(or Uncle Mark)as coaches makes it extra fun.

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Stephanie Anne turns thirteen years old this week. We celebrated her party last night with a Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs theme(her favorite movie). A happy birthday to our special girl!

 Cousins, best friends. Cassia, Stephanie, and Sarah.

 Jen made several of these "jello mounds" like the one Flint makes for Sam Sparks in the movie...definitely a big hit - kudos to you, my creative sibling!

 Happy girl.

 Mom, Steph, and Dad.

All for now,
m.

Oliver! - First Costume Rehearsal

Enjoy a preview of our first costume rehearsal! Building set this week, pictures soon to follow!

This weather has been amazing! Beautiful, spring-like days in the middle of January!

 Cousins have been getting together and going out to their secret hide out or play spot...yesterday we four girls decided the duck pond was the spot.

We pulled out the life jackets and paddles and shoved off in the canoe -

So neat, after only a couple days ago having explored the same spot, but frozen solid in ice!

My sister says I take too many pictures of her, but I can't help it - I think she's so pretty!

About half of the pond's ice had melted, but on the other side there was left a film-like layer of ice on top, which was really cool to float through, and dig out pieces of ice.

Now the cold weather is back again, but it was a lovely break in between. Maybe we'll get that good snow this winter, after all!

A Good day for a picnik

Today, we decided, we a good day for a picnic. 

So, with the boys' help, we sliced up some sandwiches, slapped on some mayonnaise, washed up the lettuce, got the turkey, plastic baggies, juice boxes, oreos, and big denim blanket and headed outside.

 We chose the edge of the front yard by the dirt road, so we could pretend it was the sandy shore at the edge of the ocean. For, when orphans are abandoned, they are sent to the beach with nothing but a basket of food and a blanket.

 David, gathering kindle wood for the fire.

 Roasting the buffalo meat(that's also something orphans are given when they're sent out. One buffalo.)

 And toasting the oreos.

It was a bit bright out, but gorgeous and wonderful.

We had a grand time. All in all, a successful expedition.

Farm days

We met down at Gracie's house, and headed over to the cellar...

And to the barn to visit the new baby goats! 5 born this last week, with 4 mothers still pregnant! They are so adorable and fun.

Then we marched over to the duck pond to explore around for awhile, and sit and stare at the bubbles in ice.

Kelsey is really skilled at writing with rocks in the ice! It's pretty hard, actually, to get those curved lines like that...

For you see...I obviously did not succeed in getting curved lines.

Just sitting on a frozen pond with ducks, cousins, and muck boots. A favorite day!