::grace

My very exciting news is that I got my neck cast off. (hence, the super happy expression above, in expectation of the removal...) I'm getting back the strength to hold up my own head again. My foot isn't healing quite so nicely, and I've had a big boot-cast on for the last few weeks. I get it off August 1st, so in about a week and a half, I'll hopefully be walking freely again with two working legs.

I'm *slowly* learning through this whole injury process to "give thanks in all circumstances"....I've failed horribly most days. I'd never guessed how difficult it is for people without the use of an arm, leg, neck, to perform even the simplest every day things. Getting dressed in the morning is especially hard - every morning for the past 24 days it's been a matter of {focus} just to get ready for the day. It's a fight to take captive hard, frustrated, angry feelings, and beg God to show you the joy and blessing in that moment, how He can grow you in it. Because it's incredibly humbling to have to crawl around on the floor grabbing at clothes, pushing them on without being able to move your neck or leg. Now...to brush my teeth and brush my hair and walk down the stairs. It's put my world into like, a bug-under-a-microscope-perspective.

I think of people like Joni Eareckson, Quadriplegic. That has different meaning to me now. We all know of people like that, but do we really ever stop to think what that's like? I didn't. Those little steps I talked about? - multiply that into every single breathing action during a day, and all of that has to be done with assistance. And I was frustrated...

Not to mention going places. I gripe and wine inside because it's summer, and every park night, every swim, every four wheeler ride, the dance - I sit, and smile. It's alright for the first couple times. But at the tenth event of sitting, watching your friends, you begin to feel like a major loser, and for me, anyway...well, in the words of Jed from Night at the Museum - to "squander in self pity."

Quadriplegic - never again can she ride a horse, climb a hill, play volleyball, dance - and I complain....

But God tugs me back, to look at the picture, and see what He's done. If I hadn't been injured, who knows if I'd ever say thank you for the blessing of neck and leg and arm and eyes and everything else. I'd never have had certain conversations with people had I not been strapped to the chair, watching and smiling. The compassion, the thankfulness, the new friends, the experience, the perspective - so many lessons He's trying to teach me in it. Lessons that..um, yeah, it looks like I really need to learn. So I can take each day at a time, packing it with a grateful heart, looking for every chance to learn something of Him.

He knows what I am. Oh, does He know. So He already knows it'll be hard, that I'll fail, and get frustrated, and lose. But His power is made perfect in weakness, and here's His chance to build me, do that pruning, so that I'll be a tree that bears good fruit. I am weak, He is strong. That's the wonder. So, with His bajillionth second chance, I can get up today and try again. With His grace, I can be thankful, SO thankful. 


I ask You: "How many times will You pick me up, when I keep on letting You down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And You answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."